Thin Hate: It Has To Stop

Overweight people often get flack for being, well, fat.  They get called names and are made fun of.  They get told to go on a diet, or get unsolicited “helpful” eating and exercise tips.  Heavy people are discriminated against regularly.  And it sucks.  Fat phobia, fat hate, whatever you want to call it… it’s not right.

But then there’s “thin hate”.

And for some reason, no one seems to think it’s wrong. It’s perfectly ok to tell a thin girl she needs to eat a cheeseburger, or accuse her of having an eating disorder, or go on and on about how skinny she is, to the point it makes the whole thing socially awkward.  And it’s totally fine to tell her that she’s the reason teenage girls develop eating disorders.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with various versions of this meme floating around Facebook a few months ago.

"When Did This..." Meme

I saw women of all kinds posting this image when it was “popular”.  Even thin women were posting it, and were serious!  There were a few of us who posted it and asked that it stop.  I was one of them.

In fact, I posted the following question as a FaceBook status not too long after I started seeing that stupid image popping up in my feed.

For all the people who think that models are too skinny: What size would they have to be in order for you to stop calling them “anorexic”, stop saying they’re giving young girls body image issues & eating disorders, and overall be satisfied with their size?

A girl named Tia responded in a way that I felt summed up my thoughts on the matter nicely.  Here’s what she said.

People really need to get the fuck over this kind of thing. If you don’t like someone’s body type, don’t look at them. Fashion models are the way they are for a reason — reason being, their job is to sell clothes. They have the body type that make clothes look great. I’m so tired of people attacking women for their body type just because they aren’t comfortable in their own skin. Every career has requirements, whether it’s being a certain height and size or having certain college degrees. It’s so ridiculous that people hold fashion models responsible for their own self worth!

Tia clarified, after someone else interjected something, adding the following, which I also agreed with.

I just think it’s disgusting that people have to ridicule others for how they look. You can have “opinions” all day long, and if you aren’t attracted to someone then don’t fuck them. Simple. But slandering fashion models for being “too thin” & accusing them of every crime in the world from having an eating disorder to causing teenage girls to have eating disorders? I don’t see people like that as any better than racists. It’s not OK to judge someone based on their body type, skin color, gender, etc. Ever. No excuses.

That last sentence is what really nailed it for me.  Let’s take a look at that again…

It’s not OK to judge someone based on their body type, skin color, gender, etc. Ever. No excuses.

Tia is right. Incredibly right.  At this point, there should be no reason to judge anyone based on body type, skin color, gender, heritage, language, or anything else.  As human beings, we should be above that.

But we still do it.

Is bashing someone based on their body type as bad as being a racist, as Tia thinks?  Yea, I think so.  Why?  Because I spent years dealing with ridicule because I was always thin, and as a result, spent even longer struggling with body image issues that I never should have had to worry about in the first place.

I was 98 pounds when I graduated high school, and I hated myself.

There was nothing I could do about my weight.  I was pretty active in high school, and had an incredibly fast metabolism.  I couldn’t gain weight to save my life.  I shouldn’t have been self-conscious of anything–ok, maybe the fact that I had small boobies compared to most of my classmates, but other than that, at 5’3″, 98 pounds, and declared 100% healthy by my doctor (year after year), I should have had nothing to worry about when it came to my body.

But instead I was self-conscious, and I envied my heavier classmates.  I wanted a curvy, voluptuous body, not the stupidly skinny body I had.

I figured that if I at least had curves I couldn’t be accused of being an anorexic, and I wouldn’t have to hear “eat a cheese burger” from people all the time.  Seriously.  You have no idea how big of a mind-fuck it is to eat a large pizza by yourself, be hungry 2 hours later because your metabolism is insane, and then have people tell you “gosh, go eat a sandwich or something, you need some meat on those bones”. Or worse, report you to a school counselor for having an eating disorder.  And then, the very same day, when someone saw me packing away the cheeseburger someone else had begged me to eat, followed by a second one, and washing it all down with a 32-ounce Mountain Dew and a milkshake, I’d get told “you keep eating like that, and it’ll catch up to you”.

And let’s not forget that I couldn’t be a typical teenage girl and talk about what I hated about myself.

I did that, and I had an eating disorder, because how could someone that many of my friends though of as “perfect” hate herself?  Shit, there was a small group of people in high school who called me “Barbie”, because to them, I was perfect.  I still saw flaws though, and still hated parts of my body.  But if I vocalized it, I was of course throwing up everything I ate right afterwards.

When I started keeping my negative thoughts about myself to myself though, I became a conceited bitch.  Hello again, mind-fuck.

By the time I was 16, we were well acquainted.

You think skinny women like this–like me–are responsible for all of the eating disorders in the world, and for women feeling bad about themselves?

No!  It’s butting in where it’s none of your business, telling girls and women that their body type isn’t good enough.  That’s what’s responsible for eating disorders, low self-esteem, and utter, total self-loathing among girls and women.

I gained almost 30 pounds throughout my 4 years of college.  I graduated weighing 125 pounds.  I was still healthy in terms of my weight, and still had a body many envied.  I was still well within the healthy weight range for my height.  However, despite the fact that I’d gained 30 pounds, all of the comments I had gotten when I was under 100 pounds were still coming.  I was still told I was “too skinny” and that I needed to “eat a damn sandwich”.  I was still desperately told I “needed meat on those bones”, despite the fact that I was 30 pounds heavier than I’d ever been, which, if you break it down percentage-wise, is a pretty significant amount of weight.  And I felt disgusted with myself.

It’s a wonder I never developed an eating disorder.

I have a feeling that if my friends hadn’t called me either anorexic or conceited, and if my family hadn’t constantly been telling me to fatten up, or that it would “catch up” to me, it probably wouldn’t have taken me 26 years to be happy with my body, and another 4 to absolutely love it and the direction it’s heading.

That’s right.  I finally love my body, at 30 years old.

It’s a rather sad state of affairs that it took a women 30 years to love her body.  That’s one third of a lifetime spent wallowing in self-loathing, being too self-conscious to wear shorts, and dreading meals with groups of people who scrutinized what she ate and whispered about her (often not quietly enough) if she went to the bathroom after a meal.

I’m still around 119 lbs, but I’m far more muscle now than I ever was, and I’m gaining even more.  I work out twice a week for an hour each day, and I work hard for that hour.  I eat how my trainer/nutritionist has recommended I eat, and have stopped worrying about what other people think I should be doing in terms of what goes in my mouth.

It’s got to stop.

Younger generations shouldn’t have to worry about this. They should love themselves regardless of what size they are–skinny, bigger boned, heavy–as long as they are healthy by their doctor’s standards, that’s all that should matter.

We need to stop fussing about other people’s body types. We’re all different shapes and sizes, and what is healthy for one person may not look healthy to another.  But that shouldn’t matter.  I shouldn’t have to show you a note from my doctor that says “yup, skinny bitch is healthy, move along” if you think I’m “too thin”.  You should just be worrying about yourself, what goes in your mouth, and whether or not your body is healthy for you.

You worry about you, I’ll worry about me. We’ll all be happier and (hopefully) healthier.

Want more?

Here are some other articles, blog entries, and random thoughts from others on the topic of thin hate, or being skinny and having body image issues.  The bold one is, in my opinion, a must read.

Let’s get social!

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44 comments for “Thin Hate: It Has To Stop

  1. July 24, 2012 at 10:39 AM

    WOW – this is a really cool post and I admire you for doing this

  2. Teresha
    July 24, 2012 at 10:47 AM

    I don’t know if I agree about reverse discrimination against thin people. I would say there is a difference between hate and discrimination. Discrimination is when you suffer social/economical unjust consequences for being who you are (denied housing, employment, etc…). I never heard of a thin person being denied access to a club for being too skinny. I do agree that hate against thin people seems to be the new social media game. It’s so wrong. No one deserves to be ridiculed for being who they are (thin, fat, tall, short, tattooed, bald,). It’s bullying. plain and simple.

    • July 24, 2012 at 10:50 AM

      Bullying! YES!

      Though I don’t know anyone who was ever denied access to a club for being heavy. Or ugly. Or anything other than not having a good enough fake ID not wanting to pay cover. Ok… I’ve actually seen people denied entrance for being too drunk, but that’s a little different.

  3. July 24, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Kudos to you for speaking up and speaking out.

    I confess that in my younger years I was guilty of saying those things, for the very reasons you cite. On behalf of any and all I offended, injured and hurt with those attitudes and words, I apologize to you and them.

    Congratulations on reaching the point where you love your body by now, at 30. You’ve got more than half your life left to live, statistically speaking to do something with that love.

    Many of us are still caught in the mind-warp merry go round. At 43 and 100+ lbs overweight and health issues, I can’t say I love much about myself today, much less my body. Still uncomfortable in my own skin.

    I have to say, part of what attracted me to your post today is my wonky eyes saw Thin and read it as The Hate Has to Stop. It resonated with me because I had just posted a rant about religious/Christian hatefulness/scapegoating.

    Well done.
    Kina

    • July 24, 2012 at 12:02 PM

      Thank you, Kina! I think many of us have said and done things we regret when we were younger… and in some cases, it’s because we didn’t know what we were saying/doing was wrong, and now we do so we feel guilty. I know I feel that way about some things.

      I’m going to check out your blog now… that sounds like an interesting post.

      Thanks again!

  4. July 24, 2012 at 12:16 PM

    Great post. I went through the same bullshit in highschool and at 38 am finally content with my acquired curves and weight gain over the past 20 years.

    I agree with every single thing you said, including the info your friend posted on your Facebook status.

    Thanks for sharing!

    • July 24, 2012 at 12:49 PM

      I think high school is particularly cruel in general, to everyone, not just skinny girls… so we all dealt with crap no matter what we looked like back then. But yea… it sucks.

  5. Jenna M Wood
    July 24, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    Well, I certainly agree that it’s not okay to judge anyone based on their appearance. But I do think that, no matter your shape, color, or type, you will always feel discriminated. It is a rare person so full of confidence (not arrogance) that they do not look around, from time to time, and feel like there are other ‘groups’ that deem themselves better than them.

    • July 24, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      I think you’re right… no one (or virtually no one) doesn’t sometimes feel like there’s someone out there that thinks they’re better than them. But at the same time, I think that’s healthy to a degree–it keeps people humble to be reminded that there are people out there better than them. However, knowing you’re not the best, most beautiful, perfect person (and being humble because of it) is different than being made to feel bad about yourself because of the fact that someone doesn’t like how you look.

  6. July 24, 2012 at 12:48 PM

    I so agree with this. As someone who has struggled with my weight since high school and battled anorexia and being overweight both, I think it is so sad that no matter your looks, you will have people who criticize. I wish we could just all be allowed to be happy the way we are without the pressure to gain or lose…

    • July 24, 2012 at 3:38 PM

      Yup! Even now, being 5’4″ and getting more toned and fit than I’ve ever been, and eating better, I’m still getting comments. The only difference now is that I like how I look and I don’t tolerate it. Granted, I’m not a bitch when people tell me “goodness, eat a cheeseburger, wouldja?” but I let them know that I’m at the gym twice a week and eat how my nutritionist tells me to thankyouverymuch.

  7. July 24, 2012 at 2:09 PM

    I don’t understand all this hate – Hate for big girls, hate for the skinny ones. Why can’t we accept the fact that we are all made differently and that is not only okay but that is good. As long as each person is healthy and not harming themselves by the amount they eat or do not eat, who cares what size they are?
    I recently came across a blog dedicated to skinny girls that rips apart people (models, celebs, bloggers) who have gained weight. It was so disheartening to read through all the hateful comments about someone who put on a few pounds. The entire mentality was just wrong. It isn’t about the size – big or small. It should be about health and well being. It should be about quality of life and self love.
    Great post!! – Katy

    • July 24, 2012 at 3:26 PM

      I agree with you 100%! As long as someone is healthy, it shouldn’t matter what they look like. Everyone is shaped differently, and hating on someone’s shape (regardless of what it is), is utter silliness.

  8. July 24, 2012 at 2:36 PM

    A really courageous post well done. People are always making assumptions it is right to challenge them. Well Done

  9. July 24, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    Great post, I have a couple things to add. First, I think we should shy away from saying things like “as long as someone is healthy, ___” because it’s really no one’s business if a person chooses to live their life in an unhealthy way. It’s no one’s business what one does with their body as long as it isn’t directly affecting anyone else. Second, I think we need to hold the fashion industry accountable for pushing a thin body standard that DOES encourage disordered eating, negative body-image, etc. Models do not need to be as thin as they currently are, but as long as we excuse the practice as “normal” or “necessary” and we don’t speak out against it, it will continue. And it will most-likely get more extreme, as is the pattern. I think it’s important to stress that we need to work together, and not fight amongst ourselves if there is any hope for change. Unfortunately, there’s a this or that attitude, which creates a bigger divide.

    • July 24, 2012 at 5:38 PM

      I’m not going to shy away from saying, “as long as someone is healthy…” because I’m not comfortable advocating looking any way and getting there in an unhealthy way. But at the same time, you’re right… it’s not my (or anyone else’s business) to know whether or not someone is healthy. However, I’m still not comfortable telling readers that it’s ok to be really thin if you’re starving yourself, or that it’s ok to eat shit food and live a sedentary life and grow into your couch if you want, because in my mind, omitting the part about being health makes it seem like I’m advocating that, and I’m not. So I’m going to stand by my use of the phrase “as long as someone is healthy…”.

      Regarding models… they are as thin as they are because they’re basically clothes hangars. At least that’s the purpose of runway models who walk the catwalk for high-fashion designers–they model the clothes, that’s it. There are commercial models who model clothes for catalogs or sell other products that may not be as thin, but usually they are, because then the agency can book them for more than one type of work for various designers–it makes more sense for them financially to have one model for various purposes on their books than 4 or 5 models for each individual purpose.

      In the advertising world, it seems that “real” models are becoming more the norm, and while they’re still beautiful people in many cases, they seem to reflect a more normal bodytype than runway models have; companies seem to be realizing that “real” sells better in many cases, and they’re learning from it. Chances are, though, certain body types will be used to sell certain types of product for long after you and I are gone. You wouldn’t buy whitening toothpaste from someone who has rotting teeth and says “I use this every day, you should too!” Advertising glamourizes product, and it always will. Part of the glamour is using “ideals” to sell it.

      Now, back to runway models. It’s really the designers that set the standards, because they’re the one that set the sample sizes. And the models have to fit into them to book work. That’s why agencies have set standards for height and measurements. Because the designers dictate that stuff. So what it boils down to isn’t models being the problem, but designers setting unrealistic sample sizes for models, and only providing clothing to fit those models for both runway shows and product photoshoots. Unfortunately, the agencies have to respond, and when a bookable model doesn’t fit the measurements, she’s told she needs to lose weight or she’s dropped.

      There are some countries and publications that are cracking down on model sizes (and health), and are refusing to allow models smaller than a certain size and with a BMI less than a certain number to walk in show or be published. Whether or not it drives change on the designer end of things is something we’ll have to wait and see, though I hope it does. There’s also been a decent growth in the plus model industry, which seems to be driving some significant change in the industry too. Again, a good thing that I hope continues.

      That said, I know a fair amount of women who are models, many of whom have agency-standard measurements. Many of them are naturally thin, and do not starve themselves to get the way they are. Most of the women I know who are agency standard models eat healthy, exercise, and take care of themselves. They realize their body is what makes them their living and they take care of it properly.

      And I also stand by my statement that it’s not models who cause eating disorders, but the people who tell us we aren’t good enough. Is part of it the media? Sure, to some degree. Watch enough late-night TV and you’ll see commercials and infomercials that lead you to believe you have too much acne, too much fat, not enough muscle, and need to get your whites whiter and can do it without bleach. But it’s not just that. A big part of it is the people we surround ourselves with (sometimes not by choice). If they give us unhealthy views of ourselves, it can drive us to taking drastic measures to mold ourselves into what we think they want us to be… thinner, heavier. If they are supportive without being critical, and talk about body image in a positive way, it can drive us to making healthier choices.

      When I said “it’s a wonder I didn’t develop an eating disorder”, it wasn’t because I sat and looked at magazines and wanted to look like the models. It’s because I sat at school and listened to people accuse me of throwing up the large pizza I just ate, and then went home and got told “keep eating like that and it’ll catch up to you” while I ate 5 Oreos in a bowl of milk… all followed by getting poked at family functions and being told I was too bony and needed some meat on my ribs, “here, eat some more”. The media can’t provide a mind-fuck like that, no matter how much late-night TV you watch.

  10. mel
    July 24, 2012 at 4:42 PM

    Thank you for sticking yourself out there and telling all. I commend you! Very courageous post!

    • July 24, 2012 at 5:40 PM

      Thanks! 🙂 As promised, this week has been tough… but I think moreso on me than readers 😉

  11. Christin
    July 24, 2012 at 5:50 PM

    I think people hating on the average person for being too thin is bullshit. YOU are not the reason girls have eating disorders. I think a good chunk of that hate is straight jealousy, and a larger chunk of it is people who are frustrated with the standards of beauty placed on women. Fat hate is one of the only socially acceptable forms of discrimination alive and kicking today. Look back at discrimination through history, what did black extremists do? Hated all white people. This is obviously not the answer.
    There is an image pushed by the fashion industry that isn’t right. There are thousands of models who have come out and said they were forced into an eating disorder, cocaine, and other unhealthy eating habits by their management. Then to add insult to injury they are photoshoped beyond recognition.
    Point is the HATE has to stop. Rachel, you are beautiful inside and out, and whoever doesn’t think so, FUCK EM!

    • Christin
      July 24, 2012 at 5:50 PM

      by “average person” I meant a non high end super model

    • July 24, 2012 at 6:15 PM

      I agree that weight-hate is one of the only socially acceptable forms of discrimination today… I’m lumping both fat-hate and thin-hate together in one there though. Either is silly, and needs to stop! Someone’s weight doesn’t make them a better or worse person.

      And thanks <3

  12. July 24, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    I could not agree with you more! We should never judge anyone because of their body. We all have issues that are ‘not perfect’ in society’s view of the world and in my opinion there should not be a ‘perfect’ we are all who we are and each of us need to accept that but it can be extra hard when society says you should be something else.

  13. July 24, 2012 at 6:15 PM

    Great post! We all have our own issues with our weight and well, no one should be the judge of that but ourselves.

  14. July 25, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    Great post! I agree with everything you said, women always criticize their bodies no matter what and that hurts their self-esteem. Is seems we always think that other women are better then us! If we have large legs we want thin legs and vice versa! Women need to look at their bodies and learn how to love each and every part of it :))) I’m much better at this now than when I was a teenager!

    • July 25, 2012 at 4:22 PM

      I hear ya! It’s as much an introspective thing as it is an external thing. If you hate yourself, or parts of yourself, it’s much easier to focus on what’s “perfect” on other people.

  15. Anonymous
    July 21, 2013 at 1:10 AM

    I am becoming increasingly dismayed as I red more and more on this ‘real woman’ campaign. It is startling how easily and ignorantly judgments are passed in society. To see how ‘curvy’ women have bashed the ‘single digit’ figures is callous in its destruction of female pride and self confidence in being ‘skinny.’ The argument of the ‘real woman’ campaign is in fact that ludicrous. If the world were to base women on its standards, then the population of females in the world would decrease. Because even though it bashes the skinny community, there is no voice for those ‘plus sized’ figures who do’n have those Marilyn Monroe or Keisha Pulliam curves, those women I shall refer to as rail thick. The question I ask is “What about them?” Are they real women? Or do they too exist as a third species of man similar in circumspect to ‘real women’.

    To think I have been existing under a false label all my life appalls me and I must ask the ‘real women’ of society to what faction of mankind do I belong or is it that my existence is apparent to my self and I am in fact a mere sliver of someone else’s wonderland. The children I may bear in adult life I must ask. Will they exist or will there existence be determined by their fat distribution.

    And it here now that I return to the plus sized non curvy women. In this battle it seems they have been entirely forgotten and I wonder do they feel any less human? They can neither be accepted as skinny or curvy and as such exist in a community known only to themselves.

    To be this is many a woman’s dream, rail this only few covet and rail thick have never been appreciated. Many obese people complain about the insensitivity of skinny people. And the bullying stories do truthfully leave one traumatized. The sad thing is that obese people often in their fight to ‘body size acceptance’prey on skinny people to boost their tremulous self esteem. Terms of endearments such as ‘walking stick’, and my personal favourite ‘Anna Rexic’ leave the same painful memories as ‘human cake’, or ‘pig’ and even ‘big girl.’

    I deem it the most shallow move in the wolrd to hate someone bacause they have high metabolism or even worse practice the discipline of healthy living. (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia measures not considered HEALTHY LIVING!)
    In just the same way, bashing someone because they are big boned or under a lot of stress and as a result gain weight should no be accepted into society either.

    We should instead accept uniqueness and diversity as variety brings spice to life. And instead help each other to accept ourselves for what we are and wish to become.

  16. Cat
    August 8, 2013 at 11:31 PM

    I love collecting vintage things from the 1950’s, and I have a few magazines from that era that show ads for skinny women telling them that they need to gain weight. Basically, it advertises some sort of milkshake that skinny women should drink because they look bad without curves. Who knew even back in the day, the media was hating on skinny girls. Really, we should all just accept that all women come in a variety of shapes and sizes and that being *healthy* is the most important thing in regards to being beautiful.

  17. Yolande
    October 30, 2013 at 5:12 AM

    This post is truly amazing!! It reflects my life story 100%. I’ve dealt with “thin hate” for most of my life. Even ostracised from certain cliques at work because of my weight. I’ve eventually made peace with my size at the age of 30 and now I realize that I am quite fortunate! It’s just frustrating when you get women giving you the once over while shopping in the malls. Weird that I never feel the need to do that to other women. But oh well! Not once has any man told me to gain weight so I assume it’s just jealousy.

    • October 30, 2013 at 4:22 PM

      Quite frustrating! I don’t know if it’s jealousy, or that women are ‘taught’ to ‘care’ more about bodies (their own and those of others) more. But yea… totally feel you!

  18. Sana
    November 19, 2013 at 10:12 PM

    Love your page and wisdom of words. People are just full of hate, and they will always bully and put down other people to make themselves feel better, because either they feel very insecure about themselves or are very full of themselves like they are better then everybody else ‘God Complex”. And sometimes your friends and family can be worst, because they think that they are allowed to tell you hateful and mean words.

    • November 20, 2013 at 9:44 PM

      I think that’s what we forget most is that sometimes, even though we are close to people, we need to pause and think about what we are going to say and whether or not it will hurt someone we care about. Too easy to forgo the filter and just blurt it out.

  19. Emma
    January 5, 2014 at 6:13 PM

    I get this all the time! Its not even from people I don’t get on with, it’s my FRIENDS! I guess they don’t realise that there’s anything wrong with it, but it hurts. They’ve told me I have anorexia before and I just don’t get how they can thinks that that’s OK. It’s even worse now that everyone’s obsessed with a thigh gap. I’d never even noticed I had one before someone pointed it out and now my friends ask me how I got one. It’s just constantly making things awkward whenever they bring it up!

  20. Kaya
    January 17, 2014 at 12:17 PM

    Just found your article now. And wow, this really sums up a lot of my thoughts. Thank you so much for finding the right words to express this stuff (of which I experienced a certain amount myself).

    • January 17, 2014 at 1:05 PM

      Aww thanks! Means a lot both knowing I’m helping others in the same boat AND that there are others who feel/deal with the same stuff.

  21. ellen beck
    October 17, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    To me, it seems anymore everyone feels like they are being hated on or bullied and automatically say discrimination…. too fat, too thin, minority, , poor, rich etc ect etc.
    While there is discrimination , I will have to say I have rarely met anyone who has ever been discriminated for being too thin… I have met people who are overweight, those who dont fit the norm , people of color, people who are poor who in fact have been discriinated against but never too thin.
    This is more a bullying issue. People pick apart others when they dont feel good about themseles. They use anything that is a descriptive word of your person to degrade. Perhaps thats the case.

  22. Kittoo
    March 31, 2015 at 2:16 AM

    Just found this and was dismayed to read the first sentence. The very first sentence rudely uses a disparaging epithet for overweight people. Note, fat is lay speak for adipose tissue, not a person.

    After that, it was truly difficult to take your rant seriously. You are free to disparage overweight people, but are upset because it took you until 30 to accept your body. The overweight never accept their bodies, and you calling them “fat” in a post about your struggles due to bullying; when surely you realize that overweight teens often don’t have friends, are physically assaulted, girls are targets for predators, cannot find clothing or even bras that fit, are on restrictive diets and work out with out improvement, are bullied by coaches, can’t participate in many activities……and you call them “fat”!
    You have my sympathy, however not because of your struggles with body image or bullying, but because you couldn’t see that you are as much, if not more of the problem. Most statements of bullying are to an individual, but you told everyone how you really feel about accepting other in your first sentence.

    • March 31, 2015 at 5:27 PM

      I saw your comment this morning and wasn’t able to log into my phone WP app to reply. But I’m glad I couldn’t reply right away because it gave me a chance to reflect on what you said most of the day, and I did, often with a heavy heart.

      The last thing I wanted to do when I wrote this was cause others pain. You are 100% right. I shouldn’t have worded things the way I did when I opened this entry. But I didn’t think of it that way when I was writing it. In fact, I wouldn’t have thought of it at all unless you took the time to point it out to me. Why would I? I don’t think I’ve ever been called “fat” before–that word has never been used in a hurtful way towards me, so for me, it has no sting behind it. And while you say the overweight never accept their bodies, I know plenty of people who have embraced the word “fat” and use it openly. I see that as a way to say “fuck you” to the people who do use it in a hurtful way (and I assure you that in my opening sentence here, I did not intend to do so). But that’s why I didn’t see the use of “fat” in that sentence (or any others it may be in) as an issue.

      This morning, I was going to edit my post, add an apology to the top, and note that a reader made a comment. However, I don’t think I’m going to do that. Not because I’m being a bitch or insensitive, but because I don’t like going back and editing my words–it feels fake and unfair to me. I said what I said and I have to own it, even if it means I do so with my foot planted firmly in my mouth (so to speak).

      So I apologize for starting off this entry with a hurtful word, even though my intention wasn’t to do so. You hit the nail on the head that I couldn’t see that I am part of the problem. And you’ve definitely given me something to think about in terms of how I word things in the future.

      Thanks for taking the time to write, and for telling it like it is.

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